"Walk By Faith, Not By Sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7
The world of Fandom has been shaken this week, with the passing of both David Bowie and Alan Rickman. Both lost their battle with cancer, but left a mark on this world.
As the Internet has mourned, I have seen heartfelt posts to posts that are just plain cold-hearted by people who probably aren’t meaning to be.
This is one of my
favorites. I apologize for the language. I have seen this, as well as, “Cancer Sucks” and “Screw You Cancer” decorate my time lines. I feel as though there has been a disconnect with cancer for the general populace. And this is a problem.
Ten years ago today my dad breathed his last breaths before giving way to the cancer destroying his body slowly. Though the fight for him was impossible, it wasn’t just his fight that was difficult. As a child who didn’t fully understand the disease, it was hard to see my father’s body slowly transform. He becomes weak, and, obviosuly, very sickly. There were times he was tube-fed. There were times he was off the tube, but his hands shook so uncontrollably that he couldn’t get his food into his mouth. To see his body shrink, visibly shrink was unfathomable.
Though it has been ten years, and I’ve learned to cope, it hasn’t been easy. I think as I have grown older and matured, my understanding has grown. I now can see more clearly what he must have gone through, how alone and scared he must have felt. More so, I see what he will miss of his children’s lives; graduations, marriages, children . This has been especially hard for me. There was so much I didn’t know about my dad. So many unanswered questions.
I recently had a discussion with someone about how my father won’t be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding, and how when I hear Canon in D, I choke up a little. This person’s response was , “That sucks.” How uncomforting, un-understanding that remark is. Though I have come to terms with that fact, it isn’t necessarily something you say to someone who has lost someone to cancer, or lost someone in general. That’s what you say when you spill your drink, step in gum, forger deodorant. My question is, are we becoming desensitized to this disease? And is the pharmaceutical market allowing it? I don’t know the advancements that have been made in treatments, but why not a cure?
So, friends, cancer does suck, but it is so much more. It is hurtful, unsure, scary, depressive, life-changing. It is not a thing to say “fuck” to, but something to find a cure for. This is life or death.
To those who have struggled with this, my prayers are for you. I truly understand the terror that you have/are experiencing. I know it is much more than sucky.