"Walk By Faith, Not By Sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7
First off, I want to say how cool this is! I’m typing from my new Bluetooth keyboard on my Kindle Fire (look at me being all tech-y).
These past couple of months have been a growing experience for me, to be honest. There has been a lot of lost days, and I’m slowly finding the bread crumbs back to my passions. My health has been somewhat spotty, and with my barista job, I tend to eat, sleep, and work. What I’m finding though, is that this isn’t what I want my life to be anymore. I’ve missed you guys. I’ve missed the words that I can create to make personal friends on a page. I miss the personal friends that I have met through these words. My anxiety has spiked and that is not an acquaintance I necessarily want to keep close.
Through this journey of revisiting some of my lows with my anxiety disorder (panic attacks, frustration, etc.), I’ve come to find out a few things;
1. My anxiety isn’t something to be ashamed of. On the contrary, a lot of people have a certain stigma in their mind that doesn’t fully circulate exactly what goes on with anxiety. I found this on Buzzfeed, and think it helps with breaking down anxiety.
2. My passion is still to write. Like I said, I missed you guys. A lot. I miss writing. One of the things that happen with anxiety is that you can often loose interest in our passions and desires because you can get into a paralyzing state where you are so worried, you don’t want to do anything. But, I have found that this is often the time when my creativity tends to spike. Isn’t that odd?
3. Relating to number 1, talking about my anxiety actually helps. And, having people aware builds a support group, and that makes me feel really loved. I’ve been able to find quite a few people who are willing to listen, ask question, and be understanding, including Josh, who didn’t really understand anxiety disorder until recently. It’s been a relief, actually.
4. Being aware of my disorder, and having others be aware has helped push me to exceed. Going back to the anxious-depressive spiral, I don’t get anything done. But, being aware and setting goals, as well as having people hold me accountable, has helped me to get up and get moving. I’m back to cooking meals more often (I probably still need to improve that, but junk food is soo good!), I’m writing and reading again, and am spending time in God’s Word. There has been a noticeable change because of that.
So, thank you guys for not giving up on me. I know I haven’t been as present on the blog recently, but I still love you all just the same. If you have any questions about anxiety disorder, just ask! I’d be happy to answer!