"Walk By Faith, Not By Sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7
Ladies, have you ever heard the saying, “They’ll realized sooner or later what they’re missing.” Or, “They’ll come crawling back.” I was always told this when I was disappointed or even fed up with a relationship that ended or a date that didn’t go any further than just that one date. I always thought that it was me; that I did something wrong. Maybe I was too old-fashioned? Maybe I’m a little too eccentric or off-beat? Maybe I am just doomed to be forever alone?
Today, I received two friend requests from
men I know from high school. Both have pursued me in the past. One was very sweet and funny, and we always laughed together when we spent time together in classes. When I headed off to college, he pursued me, but it soon became clear that he only wanted me for me a**. And, I told him that I felt as much, which led to an end of a friendship. I felt like I was in the right, but later thought that maybe I had put too much value on myself and that I read into his intentions wrongly (though he had asked for pictures, if you get my drift).
man I received a friend request from was another boy that I had always had a secret crush on in high school. He was a sweetheart, was funny, and oh-so-hot! He had surprised me at one point in college by driving almost three hours to visit me, calling me when he was on campus to come find him. He was about to head to basics for the Marines, and I soon realized that he had proposed to another woman, whom he had been seeing, while leading me on and kissing me. It was a low-blow, a blow that came after my recent break-up with my ex-fiance.
Speaking of my ex-fiance, this year’s Mother’s Day was one for the books. He messaged my mom to try and get a hold of me! Not only that, but he messaged one of my best friends, and had a random girl send me a message, stating that he was sorry for all he did and that he still loved me.
My ex never loved me, in my opinion, which is something he told me when he ended our relationship, stating that he only ever lusted after me. It was one such low-blow that made me reconsider my self-worth and value as an individual. I was made to feel lower than dirt, and lost all self-esteem, coming to a point in my life where my physical appearance became a way for me to cope. I have always been athletic, and began to work out too much (yes, you CAN over-exercise). I lost a ton of weight that wasn’t necessary for me to lose, and I went from having about three to four meals a day, to eating only one solid meal a day. I didn’t become anorexic, but I became harmful to myself, running so much that I ended up spraining my ankle, without even twisting it. I remember that time clear as day; my best friend and I had gone for a run around campus, which was smooth, easy, and fun. The following morning, though, I woke to have an ankle the size of a large softball, hurting whenever I moved it or put weight on it. After going to the clinic on campus (which, if you are a student at FSU, I highly recommend! Very helpful and great service!), and getting an x-ray, it was confirmed that I was hurt, badly. I had to wear a wrap for almost a month with no physical activity, and elevating my ankle every day. It was hard to go from long workouts every day, to none. But, I came to realize that I could be healthy without over-doing it.
I have had some relationships since, that have been good, bad, and un-fun, hurtful, but oh-so eye-opening! I was in a relationship that made me realize my self-worth. Though I may not have been treated the way I deserve, I am worth so much more than the treatment I allowed. And, I came to that realization, saying as such, claiming that I should never be dragged around, or undervalued. I am a woman and child of God.
Psalm 139:14: “My value is so much more because I am uniquely and wonderfully made in His image. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
Today, I am in a happy relationship. It may not be perfect, and sure, we fight. But, I have made it clear that I am worth more than what I have thought, and that God is my everything, even in times when I am frustrated or angry with him, not feeling him near me.
As I fear to run in with my ex-fiance anytime I go home to visit my parents, I wonder why I should fear? It’s because of how he made me feel. I fear to hear from him because of the pain and hurt I had endured, and still endure on a regular basis. The same goes for other relationships, though not to the same extent. But, who shall I fear? If my god is for me, than who can ever stop? What can stand against? No man, woman, human, child, or evil can hurt me while I am in the arms of Christ. I am worthy. I am valued by Him, the maker of all things! How cool is that?! And guess what, you are too!
As I browse through these boys pages, seeing their relationship statuses (single,
surprisingly), I have to chuckle to my self and shake my head in disbelief. I haven’t talked to them in years, and am happy for that. I think they realized finally my worth. And I am in the process of doing so too.
So, if you are feeling worthless today, please read Psalm 139 and remember how different and individual you are as a person. No one can ever replace you or make you feel less than you are without your consent.
Dear Lord, thank you for showing me my value today. In times when I am trying to figure out my own self-esteem and value, I realize that it only rests in you, and that I should take comfort in that. I pray that you will continuously remind me of that, and keep me humble, though, too, never giving me a big head, and idea that I am better than others. You are better than all. I ask that you will give me conformation to move forward with my life, running the race you have set before me. Lord, you are always so good to me, and though I may not understand fully why such instances and trials and hurts and pains happen at certain times, I know you will reveal yourself in time, and I thank you for doing as such, and for healing me of my emotional trauma. Lord, you are amazing and I love you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.