"Walk By Faith, Not By Sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7
I had a really scary dream last night….
My oldest sister has Epilepsy and suffers from severe seizures. She spent the majority of her teenage years in the hospital. It is such a blessing that she is doing okay now, but it is such a terror to revisit some of those memories. What really made all of this so real was when I actually saw her experience one my senior year of high school. My mom always made sure that my brother and I weren’t around when she had an episode, for lack of another term, so that we weren’t frightened. I have to thank her for that.
Last night, I dreamed that I was experiencing a seizure. It felt so real. I have blacked out before, ending in a four-hour visit to the ER. Though I know it’s no where close to experiencing a seizure, it frightened me nonetheless and gave me a hint of perspective; to wake up, not knowing what happened, and to go through all the testing at the hospital. So, this dream felt like the real deal. And what made it worse was that I was in an unfamiliar house, at night, and couldn’t find my mom. It was uncontrollable and went on and on forever, it felt. Though I was terrified in the dream, I work with a sickly feeling. I was scared, but not for myself. I felt a past terror for what my sister had to go through. I was given a taste of the hopelessness and helplessness that comes with being in that situation.
I have had a dream similar to this on a couple of earlier occasions, but instead, my other sister was having an episode, and I stood by, not knowing what to do.
These types of dreams are nightmares to me…nightmares that are partially reality. That is what truly terrifies me; to see someone you love go through something like that. To have a dream that is similar….well, it is too much. When I woke this morning, I literally felt sick to my stomach. I had this bottled inside me all day long, not knowing what to do, think, or how to react. It’s just a dream, thank God, but dreams are like forgotten memories that creep up on you in the most bizarre and unrelated circumstances. Usually when I have dreams that I recall, they are related to something that happened to me that day, or what is on my mind…I can usually trace it back. I don’t really believe that dreams hold significant meaning, other than the fact that it is something I am thinking about. And that is why this dream made no sense. In no way, shape, or form was I even remotely thinking of pondering on anything related to seizures or Epilepsy at any given point recently. But it was one of those things that just crept up on me….
It has been on my mind all day and the only way for me to get it off my mind is to write this to you. I take comfort in the fact that it did not really happen and that it was just a dream. But it certainly was not a pleasant one….