"Walk By Faith, Not By Sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7
Today has been a tragic day on many different levels. On a national level, the effects of the bombings in Boston are unreal. The situation is even unreal. How can someone be so hateful towards humanity?
On a more personal level, today, someone I know ended their engagement. I want to keep this couple anonymous because it is not my place to explain their business. You may be wondering why I even mentioned it in the first place. Well, this person is dear to me and I feel very much for, let’s say, Q. Like Q, I have been in the same situation and my heart breaks for Q.
Seven or so months ago, my ex-fiance broke off our engagement, resulting in a single me. It has been a roller coaster of emotions understanding why everything has happened the way it has. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am in a good place now. But I still have days that are not so good emotionally, where I feel lonely, depressed, sad, angry, you name it.
What makes today particularly sad for me, is that someone I know has to go through exactly what I have gone through. I’m hoping that Q will not experience it as much as I have in the negative aspects, because the hurt that I had is something I will never wish on anyone. It isn’t even hurt, per say, but confusion. Confusion as to what happened in the relationship, and confusion as to why it had to happen this way, and why God let it happen in the first place. This was the first time I ever truly experienced full anger with God. I couldn’t understand why He would allow for my previous engagement to go so far. I had my wedding dress, the guest list, the location selected, but thankfully not paid for yet, and some others thing in the process. And then, all in one evening, it was taken away from me. I didn’t mourn the fact of the actual wedding day, although knowing that I wouldn’t be able to experience that moment hurt at the time, but I know that one day it will happen because, as the Bible says, God knows the desires of your heart. And more than anything, I want to be a loving wife someday; to be able to have a marriage that represents God’s relationship with the church. But in time. What made me the most sad, though, was knowing that all that I looked forward to with my now ex-fiance and our life together would be no more. And I’m sure that this is what Q is feeling now.
I pray that Q will see God’s bigger plan, though. Although what I wanted and was planning didn’t necessarily work out the way I wanted, God has blessed me beyond belief since that awful night. He has provided me with wonderful old and new friends, a job, an internship, and so many other experiences that are leading me forward to what will be His goal for my life. Being able to trust in Him on this journey has been the hard part. But once my engagement was called off, I prayed for peace, and trusted that He would provide. And you know what, He did!!! As you can see, I have been so blessed. And although some days are more peaceful than others, I am not tormented by the notion of what I now see as an unhealthy relationship. I thank God for revealing to me what I do not need and teaching me what I do need in a healthy relationship.
It has been hard for me to write this out for you…to be able to explain without giving the nitty gritty details. Expressing what I have felt has always been a difficulty for me, even through writing. But I am making the effort, and think this will help. Why not give the details? I do not find it necessary, nor am I ready for that. Right now is a time for me to move forward, and I’m hoping that by expressing this to you, that this is a step in the right direction. I have been given so much love and support by so many and am in such a good place now. I haven’t been this happy in ages it feels. Not only have I been blessed with so many future promises, whether they are short-lived or not, I have also been blessed with a wonderful man right now. I do not know what the future holds for us, but I am glad to be where I am today. I’m moving forward. And I hope the same for Q.
One of the hardest things, as mentioned is trusting. Trusting in God, but also trusting in other people. I pray that Q will not experience the fear of trust, like I have feared so much in the past. Sometimes, though, you have to make the jump, and that is what I’m learning. Be who you are, truly, without worrying what the others will do or think. You cannot control them. They are their own individuals. In remembering this, trust has come so much more easier for me. I am my own being, that cannot control what others think or do, and I have to remember that.
Pray for Q and I as we move forward with our lives. And pray for those effected by the Boston tragedy today. And please, make sure to pray for your neighbors, because, as cliche as it sounds, everyone is going through their own difficulties in life or are “fighting their own battles.” I ask for peace and love to be overwhelmed upon Q, just as it was for me. I ask that we will both experience a Godly relationship in the future with the individual that we are meant to be, whether that be today, tomorrow, five years from now. I ask that we will learn to trust and to forgive. That is often the hardest part and something that I am still struggling with. And lastly, I ask for comfort, encouragement, and motivation; motivation to move forward, knowing that God has a miraculous plan for each and every one of us here on earth. No matter what trial or tribulation, joy or happiness we experience, it is all for His glory and will work perfectly in His plan.